Emotion regulation is your ability to understand the function of emotions and effectively respond to an emotion using a set of skills to keep you functioning. It’s the ability to realize that you are having an initial urge to act in a certain way because of an emotion. Then becoming aware of what that initial urge is and whether you should follow or oppose the urge based on how effective it is.
Effective means whatever moves you toward your goal. The goal here is to decrease the intensity of the emotion (emotional suffering) and increase emotional resilience (bouncing back from difficulties).
Emotions Are Feedback. They are not the problem. Emotions are normal--natural even. The problem is when we choose to run away because we are scared, punch someone because we are angry, give up because we feel overwhelmed. The problem lies within our own behavior. The emotion doesn’t need to be fixed. It’s the behavior to the emotion that needs to change.